This thought actually hit me like a ton of bricks when I realized that there alot of females out there who just don’t think highly enough of themselves and that don’t know their worth when it comes to relationships.
Have you ever met a female who continuously stays in an abusive relationship because she keeps making excuses for the guy?
Without naming anybody, I have. First of all my intention isn’t to judge anybody but to shed light on the different types of situations that us females get ourselves into. Having a friend in an abusive relationship is the most draining thing ever especially if you are the friend that lends a shoulder to cry on. You need to be careful about the men that you allow in your sacred space ladies! You are worth much more than letting every Tom, Dick and Harry come into your life and then leave. So I was in a situation where I had a friend who was in an abusive relationship and yes, I was the friend that she came to when things went haywire.
A difficult situation it was for me because she would keep running back to him. I admit, I was always upset with her when she would return to the guy who beat her black and blue but I guess I wasn’t in her shoes and couldn’t understand why she went back constantly. To cut a long story short, we are no longer friends. The lesson from this experience was, when you are the shoulder to cry on and the person that they come to for advice then be prepared to have your friendship backfire on you. After all my efforts to help her, she continued to go back and eventually her man discontinued our friendship.
So after going through a situation like that, I researched why do women stay in abusive relationships and this was what I found:
In some cases, women may seem to “want” to be beaten. For those who come from dysfunctional families, families in which they were routinely beaten and emotionally abused as children, they know no other patterns of behavior and have learned to expect frequent incidents of violence. For such women, the anxiety of waiting for the next outburst of violence is often more stressful and agonizing than the violence itself. They hate not knowing when they will next be hit, kicked, punched, burned, bitten, or stabbed, and they would rather “get it over with” than not know when they will next be abused.
Often, it is dangerous for a woman to leave an abusive relationship. If her abuser is economically abusive and withholds all family money from her, leaving can lead to additional hardships. Leaving could mean living in fear of being stalked, fear of losing custody of any minor children (parental abduction is not uncommon), losing financial support, and experiencing harassment at work.
Do not underestimate the effects of domestic violence on its victims. Abused women experience isolation, shame, embarrassment, and humiliation. Women may not immediately leave an abusive relationship because:
- They fear their abusers will become more violent—perhaps fatal—stalking them if they leave.
- Friends and family may not support their decision to leave.
- They fear being a single parent with little money.
- There are periods of calm, nurturing and love between incidents of violence.
- They may be unaware of sources of advocacy and support.
- They may be unaware of shelters and other resources that offer safety and support.
Watch this video:
Get Out of a Verbally & Emotionally Abusive Relationship
So after reading this research, it shed a bit more light on why women stay in abusive relationships. We have to admit though, from an outsider’s point of view, you constantly think that its either that they are stupid for not leaving or they don’t have self esteem. Abusive situations have alot of politics and we should try and not judge other women, we need to support them and let them know that there are ways to get out.
So to conclude, if you have a friend in an abusive relationship. Try and support as much as you can and if it backfires on you then contact the friend’s family. You need to help as much as you can.